The Art of Giving and Receiving Effective Feedback

feedback

Have you ever wondered what makes a great leader? He can communicate effectively with p other people.

One of the key ingredients is the ability to give and receive constructive feedback. Did you know that feedback is like a magical tool that can make you an amazing leader?

Giving and receiving feedback is super important . When you learn how to give feedback in the right way, it can help your team members grow and become better at what they do. You can use feedback to improve the relationships with your clients, suppliers, stakeholder, and your family and friends.

In this post, you will discover the secrets of giving feedback that makes a real difference.

What is Feedback?
Why do we need Feedback?
What is effective Feedback?
Why is feedback is a powerful tool?
What does feedback look like in our everyday work?
The Difference between I messages and You messages
Your guide to delivering feedback
The Feedback Burger
How to prepare for feedback conversation
How to ensure being constructive when giving feedback.
10 Best practices for receiving feedback

What is Feedback?

Feedback is a positive or negative response to a person’s action, behavior, performance.

Feedback can be verbal and nonverbal.

Feedback in leadership is a powerful communication tool helping us to become aware of the impact of our actions so that we can adjust our behavior,

Feedback instruments are helping us to

accelerate our learning curve
develop ourselves and others
improve the performance of ourselves and people
improve our relationships
get faster and better results

Feedback is more than a yearly performance review and can motivate or demotivate us and other people to perform.

Why do we need feedback?

Feedback is guiding our behavior and actions. If it is positive we automatically tend to do more of it. If the feedback is negative we tend to avoid the pain and to survive.

Verbal feedback to our behavior ca help us to protect ourselves e before the damaging response of the nature , other people, machines etc.

Verbal feedback on our behavior can help us to become aware of our strengths and weaknesses, avoid pain and illness, achieve great results by guiding us and our actions.

Feedback is helping us to become aware of our blindspots and see the label on ourselves like on a bottle form the outside.

Feedback helps us to better understand our selves and to better navigate through n our life and workplace.

In order to behave appropriately in our life or work, it is necessary to learn to objectively evaluate the impact of our own behavior. We constantly need feedback in order to navigate the situation and control whether our words and actions have the desired impact.

What is effective feedback?

The most effective feedback originates from a genuine interest in the other person’s development and wellbeing

Effective feedback is intentional and designed to

encourage the person to do more of what they are doing
stop the other person to continue doing something wrong
prevent a person from doing an action again

The concept of effective feedback encompasses almost everything we understand as praise, compliments and constructive criticism

Effective l feedback is a message in which a person receives information about themselves from others: how they are perceived, whether they are understood, and what feelings they evoke in others.

Verbal feedback is effective when the other person can relate to it and is motivated to take action doing more or less of the shown bejavior.

Why is feedback such a powerful tool?

Feedback can do both.

Feedback can trigger our fears like a defense system and make us shut down our perception of the outer world, creating a bubble that stops us from developing. On the other hand, feedback can encourage us to step out of our comfort zone and provide us with guidance as we step into the unknown.

Feedback has a great impact on our personal development and performance:

Actionable feedback is like a superpower that helps us become better at our jobs, find a different approach in our daily behaviour and lifestyle. Feedback like positive reinforcement is a special tool that helps us grow and do our daily work better. When someone gives me feedback pinpointing a specific behavior, it can show me what I am doing well and what I can improve. This helps me achieve my goals.

Feedback is how we learn in every situation and feedback shapes our beliefs and behavior.

Imagine you get a lot of positive feedback that makes you feel appreciated. That might lead to higher self-esteem and you are more likely to take risks. On the other hand, if you get a lot of negative feedback from your environment, and the people you love on a daily basis this can lead to a negative worldview and affects your performance.

Feedback is also important because it helps create a culture of open communication and transparency and respect where everyone is always trying to get better.

It's like a never-ending journey of improvement. When people give feedback to each other, it means they care about helping each other grow. This creates a positive and supportive environment where everyone is motivated to do their best.

Feedback helps us to build better relationships. with our clients, colleagues, and loved ones.

When we get triggered, feel hurt by someone's behavior, or we ourselves trigger someone it is not on purpose. Over 90% of the time we do not have a bad intention of hurting someone or triggering emotions on purpose. But how do we know if we do not know the boundaries?

Appropriate feedback helps you to enhance the performance of your employees and project stakeholder, so that they are motivated to support you reaching the project milestones and quality gates in time.

Imagine being able to help your teammates improve without making them feel bad. That's the power of constructive feedback!

What does feedback look like in our everyday work?

We need to give different types of feedback: corrective, empowering and praise.

We can give feedback in a group session with your team or one-o-one in person.

The purpose of feedback can be very different.

Here a er five feedback situations for One-One sessions:

You want to empower a team member to take action
You want to correct the action of an employee
you want to help to create awareness of a bad behavior and make suggestions
You want to set boundaries
You conduct a monthly performance review

Here a er three situations for feedback in a group session:

You want to praise someone.
You want to get feedback from team members on processes and procedures in your business or projects.
You want to get feedback on your leadership style.

They all have in common that we need to say the feedback out loud!

So let's dive into the communication rules for constructive feedback.

Your guide to delivering feedback

Learning how to give and receive constructive feedback is always a core part of all our leadership training programs and it takes practice to role-play.

There are several feedback methods. But they all have the essence in common that it should be very specific feedback and packed in a digestible in feedback sandwich

Let's dive in and unlock the secrets of giving and receiving feedback like a pro!

The difference between I-messages and You-messages

In communication theory, we distinguish between I-messages and You-messages.

You-messages:

These often express blame, saying things like, "You are incapable, and that's a fact." Example: "You don't know how to drive a car."

In this case, feedback is unlikely to be received because You-messages often trigger internal resistance and are perceived as aggression.

Therefore, it is much more diplomatic to use I-messages.

I-messages.

Example: "It annoys me when I have to wait for someone for more than five minutes!"

Using I-messages allows us to express our feelings and concerns without directly accusing or blaming the other person. It creates a more open and constructive environment for feedback.

In our leadership training sessions, we use the following Feedback model:

The "I Message" Type of Feedback Burger!

How to use the "I Message" Type of Feedback model?

In this feedback burger model follows the sandwich approach and has 3 main layers:

1. The positive start.

Say a compliment, smile, , watch your facial expressions, state a positive observation, build a bridge for a positive relationship

2. The Feedback layer:

A. State the fact (your observation, what did you hear, smell, see...taste?)

B. Express your personal feelings, your emotion that you had caused by the incident

C. Express your wish or give a recommendation for a new behavior

3. The positive finish:

Recommend a better way to make better job

Discuss possible solutions

State the positive outcome of the new behavior or the recommendation - What is in for him?

The "No Carb" Type of Feedback Burger

In this model, we skip the positive start and positive finish as layers in our feedback sandwich. So meet, cheese and lettuce only. This is short and kind of rude but there are some situations where you want to save time and the result by giving feedback is important. The feedback receiver is appreciating the short and to-the-point feedback.

This approach needs some special situations:

1. You know the person well and can predict the reaction and make sure that your feedback can be received. and processed.

2 . You have a clear observation that the other can relate to the emotional state.

3. You start with getting permission to give feedback with phrases like:

Do you want some feedback?

May I give you some feedback now?

Would you like some feedback on...?

The "No Feelings" Type of Feedback Burger

This is the feedback that we get by collecting data and analyzing data in our business and projects. Of course, it requires interpretation and we still need to learn to manage our emotions and not to become a victim of our circumstances.

Collecting data and facts helps us to take better decisions. However, these data will always show us only facts and evidence from the past. This helps to predict the probability and we can measure the impact of our actions fast.

For example, We can get feedback for our work and results by looking a data inside Google Analytics and other data tracking tools that help us to measure performance.

In the No Feelings Feedback Burger we do not have the "Bread-Layers" of our sandwich and no expression of how the data program feels. The Ai just collects Data - just facts.

We need to learn to interpret the data and derive suggestions and strategies to improve our behavior. and take strategic decisions.

But how about our emotions when we see the data?

How do we react when we and become aware of these facts?

the good thing about this type of feedback is it helps us to conduct our performance reviews effectively.

We still react to these facts based on our inner state. For example, if we are in a bad mood we might interpret a fact negatively and feel fear and feel paralyzed.

This is why giving feedback in person and embracing the emotions of the feedback receiver is so important so that we as a leader can give encouragement and make sure that the feedback receiver can process the information in a constructive way.

This is why we recommend the in-person I message and I feel Burger.

We use this method for measuring leadership behavior, values, communication styles, capabilities, emotional responses, and much more helping our leaders to become aware of how they are and not how they think they are based on scientifically proven and validated assessments. and surveys online.

How to prepare for the effective feedback conversation

Identify specific observations and examples: Before giving feedback, it's important to have clear examples of what you want to talk about. For example, if you want to give feedback about someone's presentation, think about specific things they did well or areas where they can improve. This way, when you talk to them, you can give specific examples and help them understand what you mean.

Clarify objectives and desired outcomes: It's also important to know what you want to achieve with your feedback. Do you want to help the person improve a specific skill or correct a mistake? By having clear objectives in mind, you can guide the conversation in a helpful direction and make sure the person understands what they need to work on.

Choose the right time and place: Ensure privacy and minimize distractions: When giving feedback, it's important to find a quiet and private place where you won't be interrupted. This creates a safe and comfortable space for the conversation. It's easier to focus and have a meaningful discussion when there are no distractions around.

Optimal timing for the employee to receive feedback: Timing is key when giving feedback. It's best to choose a time when the person is ready to listen and receive feedback. For example, if someone just made a mistake and is feeling upset, it might not be the best time to give feedback. Wait for a moment when they are calm and open to hearing what you have to say.

How to ensure being constructive when giving feedback.

Focus on specific situation, pinpoint specific behaviors, do not label personalities: When giving feedback, it's important to talk about what the person did, not who they are as a person. Instead of saying, "You're lazy," focus on the behavior you observed, such as, "I noticed that you didn't finish the task on time." This way, the person understands what they need to improve without feeling personally attacked.

Offer specific suggestions for improvement: Instead of just pointing out what the person did wrong, it's helpful to provide specific suggestions for improvement. For example, if someone needs to improve their writing, you can say, "I think your writing would be even better if you added more details and examples." This way, they know exactly what to focus on to get better.

Be an active listener Give the employee an opportunity to share their perspective: It's not just about giving feedback; it's also about listening to the person receiving it. When you give feedback, give them a chance to share their thoughts and feelings about the situation. This helps create a two-way conversation where both people can learn from each other.

Ask open-ended questions for better understanding: To better understand the person's perspective, ask questions that can't be answered with just a "yes" or "no." Open-ended questions like, "How do you think the project went?" or "What challenges did you face?" allow the person to share more information and help you gain a deeper understanding of their point of view.

Tipps for practicing feedback

Before you try this with your boss please practice giving feedback to your colleagues, friends, and family.

The next step would be to practice with your neighbours, Once you got a great experience you may try it with your boss.

Being a boss you may create open and transparent leadership feedback sessions with your team.

Please note:

This feedback process of giving constructive feedback needs practice.

We all get triggered and mostly we are not aware of how our feedback lands.

Especially when we need to give critical feedback we want to avoid any personal attack .

Make sure you watch the reaction from the recipient of feedback

The reaction to your feedback can be very different.

Here are some examples:

just silence( but saying nothing is as well a message we are communicating)

eye rolling and other body language signals

acknowledgment and Thank you

arguing an objection

clarifying questions for understanding

We definitely want to give feedback intentionally with a clear goal in mind and not just say something to feel good ourselves.

We don't want to trigger objections or defenses as that will not allow the feedback receiver to take action and be open to changing behavior.

It is not enough to know but it takes practice to be able to use the feedback tool effectively.

10 best practices for receiving feedback

Be open minded and see feedback as an opportunity to learn something about the feedback giver.

Check if you can truly accept feedback.
Clarify the information you received.
Listen attentively to the feedback.
Avoid arguing or defending yourself.
Repeat what you understood is the feedback.
Verify the significance and importance of this feedback information.
Ask about possible behavioral alternatives.
Think about your reactions and share your planned action
Express gratitude for the feedback received.
Ask others for feedback as often as possible.

What are the limits of the feedback process?

Feedback reflects a perspective on behavior or actions and their evaluation by others. Later, it is up to the individual to decide what conclusions to draw from the feedback they receive. It is important to understand that you are aiming to help your partner improve certain qualities, rather than trying to change them completely to fit your own preferences.

Remember: Leaders are learners and we learn the best way by getting regular feedback!

How do we support our clients in getting feedback on their leadership and communication skills?

In our Leadership coaching programs, we add a layer of personal feedback by using 360-degree or 180-degree feedback from clients, peers, colleagues, coworkers, and bosses.

All our coaching programs start with a set of leadership, business and communication assessments. We choose those tools depending on your goals.

Depending on your package our feedback service includes:

Feedback on

your project plans, business plans, business processes
your leadership behavior
your communication effectiveness in negotiating, presentating, pitiching and reviews
your Thinking style
your Values that drive your attitude and your actions
Sales effectiveness
Your ability to show empathy

We provide certified assessments based on Trimetrix, DISC, SCIL Charisma Factor, EQ;, Sales, Project management competencies, Business Acumen, Conflict Style, Negotiation Style, Profiling Values, Levels Value system...

Based on these dates we define a realistic development plan and create a support system to achieve your goal faster.

If you want to measure your values based on a scientific model and get a personal interpretation of the results click here.

if you want to measure your preferred values click here to get your 9 levels Values report + personal feedback