The Four Sides of a Message

Discover the Hidden Secrets of Communication

Communication is a great way we connect with others using words, expressions, and gestures. But did you know that messages have more to them than just the words? Yep, it's true! Every message has four special parts that make it super interesting. Let's explore these four sides of a message and see how they help us understand each other better. Get ready to unlock the secrets of communication!

What are the four sides of a message?

1. Content Side - The Facts: The first side is the content side. It's like the straightforward information in a message. It's all about the facts, data, or instructions that are being shared. When someone says, "That's too expensive," they might mean that they think the price of something is too high and they cannot afford it.

2. Relationship Side - The Feelings: The second side is the relationship side. This side is all about the feelings and connections between the people talking. It's like the vibes you get from someone when they're speaking. If a close friend says, "That's too expensive," it might mean that they trust you and feel comfortable expressing their opinion about the price. But if a stranger says the same thing, it might mean they don't know you well and are just sharing their observation.

3. Self-Disclosure Side - The Personal Stuff: The third side is the self-disclosure side. This side is about sharing personal things about yourself. It's like when you tell others your thoughts, feelings, or experiences. If someone says, "That's too expensive," it might mean that they personally feel it is not worth the price based on their own financial situation or values. They might be revealing that they prioritize spending their money on other things they consider more important.

4. Appeal Side - The Asking or Persuading: The fourth side is the appeal side. This side is about asking for something or trying to persuade someone. It's like when you want others to do something or believe in what you say. When someone says, "That's too expensive," they might be appealing to you or trying to persuade you to reconsider the price. They might be asking if there's a possibility for a discount or trying to negotiate a lower price.

Understanding How They Work Together: These four sides aren't separate. They actually mix and affect each other. One message can have different meanings depending on how these sides fit together. Good communicators pay attention to all four sides to make sure their message is clear and makes sense.

Why It's Important to Think About How We Share Our Messages

Have you ever had a conversation that didn't go as planned? Well, one reason for that is because we don't always think about how we say things. When we talk to others, it's not just about the words we use. There are other important things to consider. Here's why it's important to think about how we share our messages:

1. Choosing the Right Words: When we talk, we want to make sure that others understand us. That's why it's important to pick the right words and be clear. Using the right words helps us avoid confusion and makes it easier for others to understand what we mean.

2. Thinking About Our Relationships: Talking is not just about giving information. It's also about how we feel about each other. We should think about how our words might make others feel. Being kind and understanding can help us build better relationships with others.

3. Sharing Our Own Thoughts: Sometimes, it's important to share our own thoughts and experiences. It helps others get to know us better and trust us more. But we should also be careful about how much we share. We want to find a balance between being open and keeping some things private.

4. Asking and Persuading: Sometimes, we want to ask others for something or convince them to do something. It's important to think about how we ask or persuade them. We should be respectful and think about what they might want or feel.

By thinking about how we share our messages, we can have better conversations and avoid misunderstandings. We can make sure others understand us, be considerate of their feelings, share our thoughts in a good way, and ask for things politely. So, let's remember to think about how we say things and make our conversations even better!

How to Use the Four Sides Model in Your Daily Work?

Here's how you can apply it by the example of a coworker is late to an appointment.

The boss noticed and says: "It´s 2 pm!"

Here's how a coworker could interpret the sentence "It is now 2 pm!" from the perspective of the coworker, using the four sides of a message:

1. Content Side: The boss is simply stating the time, telling the coworker that it is currently 2 pm.

2. Relationship Side: The coworker might think that the boss is reminding them of the meeting time because it's important to be on time and show respect for each other's schedules.

3. Self-Disclosure Side: The coworker may feel a little worried or embarrassed because the boss is pointing out that the coworker is late for the meeting. They might think, "Oops, I'm late, and the boss noticed!"

4. Appeal Side: The boss's statement can be seen as a request for the coworker to hurry and join the meeting. The boss wants the coworker to be there on time so they can start the meeting as planned.

Remember, these are just possible interpretations, and it's important for the coworker to communicate with the boss to get a clear understanding of expectations and address any lateness. Being open and respectful in communication can help avoid misunderstandings and create a positive working relationship.

Conclusion: Now that you know about the four sides of a message, you're becoming a communication expert! Remember, communication isn't just about words. It's also about feelings, sharing personal stuff, and asking or persuading others. By paying attention to all these sides, you can be a better communicator and understand others more easily. So, the next time you talk with someone, think about the hidden secrets behind the message. Get ready to connect and understand others like a pro!

In our leadership and communication  coaching programs  we help our clients to become better communicators! aOne steps is to become ware of your own communication patterns, the second step is to create a plan defining  how  become more effective in conveying a message based on the clients needs, the situation and personal communication preferences. Third ; we use role-play sessions in One-on One and group settings to practice, practice and practice new communication patterns. 

If you are interested in upleveling your communication skills just write us [email protected] or send a DM on instagram @projectleaderacademy : "Communication"

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